5 years. some days it seems like yesterday, some days it feels like forever.
i wish i had been able to say goodbye to you. i know we talked every day, but i always thought there would be one more. that day... i have a lot of guilt associated with it. for telling you about mother. for burdening you with her confusion. for quite possibly giving you the reason to let go. i'm so sorry for that being your last memory of her.
i miss you every day. those last few months with you meant so much to me, being able to drive to erie and spend the day and talk. i hated that we had to sell the house and move mother into sarah reed, but she was very well taken care of. she asked about you a lot... i think thats one thing she always remembered. penny and i were with her when she passed, and we told her that you were waiting for her. she wasn't in pain... she finally seemed like herself again. she didn't talk, but i think she knew we were there.
some days its really hard not having you and mother here. to be honest, i still have your number in my phone. and while i know the number has been disconnected, i just can't erase it. i miss talking to you and asking you what you had for lunch. the past few weeks ive had a bad cold that i just can't shake... all i really want to do is go back home and lie on the couch with the "sick" blanket and watch days of our lives with you while mother keeps making me tea and toast. i miss both of you a lot.
there are certain memories that stand out... they're fuzzy, but they're still there. i remember the one time in the middle of the night that i was sick... maybe i was 4 or 5, and my bed was ruined. you got me out of bed and cleaned me off in the tub. i remember standing under the water and being so weak i could barely stand. i remember the time i was roller skating on our gravel road and fell and cut my leg. you helped me into the house to clean off my leg and i fainted. that was only one of the many times ;) and i remember when you walked into the kitchen with your thumb bleeding, after you cut part of it off with the rototiller. for some reason, i always thought it was composter, until i got a composter and realized that didnt make sense. you taught me how to ride a bike and how to play baseball. you also taught me how to crochet (even tho i really prefer knitting now). remember that time you "walked off the roof"?? i was the only one home and didn't hear you calling for awhile. you were on some pretty goofy painkillers after that. i remember you used to get so mad when i mowed crazy patterns into the yard.
some days i worry that at some point, i'm going to start forgetting things about you.
there was a lot of loss the past few years, but there was a silver lining after all of our sadness. 3 years ago, ian and i had a beautiful baby girl. we named her london marie. she has sanford eyes, curly red hair, and she's left handed. daddy, she reminds me so much of you... especially when she smiles. she is very spirited, and really sweet. her favorite song right now is mary had a little lamb. you would've loved her so much.
ian is a wonderful father and husband. i hold him to a very high standard :) he takes great care of us and i can just see how much he loves us in his day to day actions. he helped to take really good care of mother (and aunt lois too), and was always supportive. i'm really lucky to have him.
we moved into a new house a few months ago... its a ranch house on 1.3 acres of wooded land. you would love it! i still have all of your old house plan books from the 60s, which we reference often. i think you would be really proud of both us for the home that we're building together. the house came with 2 outdoor cats (we named them chairman meow & mr kittens), and a family of deer. it reminds me of grandmas "farm" and when we used to go camping.
today, i think you were looking down on me. going into work, someone was holding the door for a group of people and someone said "you're a gentlemen and a scholar". i had a meeting over lunch and the food served at the photo studio was prime rib. oh, you and your story of eating 3 prime ribs and 2 plates of fried smelt :)
i know you wanted to outlive grandpa, but only made it to 80. i have to say, you still had a pretty awesome life. you were a loving husband, father and son. and you're missed every single day. i love you daddy, i hope you and mommy are finally at peace.
love always, aimee
ps. they got off the island.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Monday, October 08, 2012
progress
the big news? we moved (august 18)! we sold our house (august 30)!
the bad (good?) news? we've been SUPER BUSY. No sleep busy. well, not quite that busy, but we are both exhausted.
after all the planning we did in the last post, its all starting to fall into place. before the big move, we had a lot to get done. we finished all of the major demo on the house (porch/new kitchen, living room, dining room, 2nd bathroom, master bedroom closets, and various other spots throughout the house). ian framed in for the new windows in the kitchen, office, living room + master bedroom, along with framing in for all the pocket doors. he also installed the new sliding glass doors in the kitchen and master bedroom, repaired all of the walls, drywalled the new kitchen, framed + drywalled our office closet, and built the new "dividing wall" in the master bedroom... making the space for the new master bath.
we outsourced the drywall finishing, due to timing and our desire for flat, smooth walls :) we also outsourced the retaining wall in the back of the house. the existing railroad ties were rotting + filled with carpenter bees, so we had those taken away and replaced with boulders. our landscaper even built our last minute request for steps that went nowhere :)
we rented a floor sander and removed the brown paint from the entire house, and after much trial and error, ended up with beautifully grey-ed pine floors. (since then sydney has scratched them horribly... but... we knew it would eventually happen).
the interior of the house is painted white, with 2 accent walls: a grey one in london's room, and a black one on the fireplace wall in the living room.
MOVING DAY!! 2 trips, 1 car accident, and many boston creme donuts later, we had a house full of boxes.
(after the official "move" we spent the next week and a half cleaning up the old house, packing up the remaining items, and closing on the house.) YAY!
fast forward 1 1/2 months...
we've made alot of progress on the kitchen: i built the cabinets and ian installed them. he also ran the gas line into the kitchen and hooked up the stove, so we've been able to do more than just grill :) we installed the butcher block countertop and put in all the drawers and door fronts. our new kitchen is the old porch, so it has a concrete slab floor. ian had to jackhammer out a hole for the new plumbing, and crawl under the house and dig thru the dirt to run the pipes. crossing my fingers that we'll have a sink installed in the next few weeks :)
we tiled + grouted the laundry room and ian finished running the necessary electrical work, vented the dryer and hooked up the new washer + dryer. i had never been so excited to do laundry!
our special order doors and windows arrived a few weeks ago, just in time for the chilly weather. our goal was to get the "new" windows installed, since we only have a thin layer of wood protecting us from the elements. ian has installed all of those (with the exception of the 2 sidelights to the sliding door that we still need to order). the house is already transformed with natural light filling the space. ian plans to tackle one "replacement" window an evening. we still need to decide on the final size and type of window for the kitchen "backsplash". we had originally planned for it to be a large picture window, but now i'm thinking a slider would be great for cross-ventilation.
alongside all of these improvements, we've started to work on the main bathroom. i gutted the bathroom before we moved in; however, when we pulled up the flooring, we realized the subfloor was in such bad shape, and ian had to replace it. since then, he's framed in the side of the wall where the plumbing will be, and installed the tub. while he was under the house running the kitchen plumbing, he moved all the plumbing for this bathroom too.
at this point i feel like i should be posting some "after" or "progress" photos... but... to be honest, i just don't have the time! i've been dealing with a bad cold for the past few weeks and that in itself is slowing down our progress. along with our almost 3 year old who now refused to nap on weekends ;)
give me a few weeks... hopefully then i'll have some photo reveals :)
the bad (good?) news? we've been SUPER BUSY. No sleep busy. well, not quite that busy, but we are both exhausted.
after all the planning we did in the last post, its all starting to fall into place. before the big move, we had a lot to get done. we finished all of the major demo on the house (porch/new kitchen, living room, dining room, 2nd bathroom, master bedroom closets, and various other spots throughout the house). ian framed in for the new windows in the kitchen, office, living room + master bedroom, along with framing in for all the pocket doors. he also installed the new sliding glass doors in the kitchen and master bedroom, repaired all of the walls, drywalled the new kitchen, framed + drywalled our office closet, and built the new "dividing wall" in the master bedroom... making the space for the new master bath.
we outsourced the drywall finishing, due to timing and our desire for flat, smooth walls :) we also outsourced the retaining wall in the back of the house. the existing railroad ties were rotting + filled with carpenter bees, so we had those taken away and replaced with boulders. our landscaper even built our last minute request for steps that went nowhere :)
we rented a floor sander and removed the brown paint from the entire house, and after much trial and error, ended up with beautifully grey-ed pine floors. (since then sydney has scratched them horribly... but... we knew it would eventually happen).
the interior of the house is painted white, with 2 accent walls: a grey one in london's room, and a black one on the fireplace wall in the living room.
MOVING DAY!! 2 trips, 1 car accident, and many boston creme donuts later, we had a house full of boxes.
(after the official "move" we spent the next week and a half cleaning up the old house, packing up the remaining items, and closing on the house.) YAY!
fast forward 1 1/2 months...
we've made alot of progress on the kitchen: i built the cabinets and ian installed them. he also ran the gas line into the kitchen and hooked up the stove, so we've been able to do more than just grill :) we installed the butcher block countertop and put in all the drawers and door fronts. our new kitchen is the old porch, so it has a concrete slab floor. ian had to jackhammer out a hole for the new plumbing, and crawl under the house and dig thru the dirt to run the pipes. crossing my fingers that we'll have a sink installed in the next few weeks :)
we tiled + grouted the laundry room and ian finished running the necessary electrical work, vented the dryer and hooked up the new washer + dryer. i had never been so excited to do laundry!
our special order doors and windows arrived a few weeks ago, just in time for the chilly weather. our goal was to get the "new" windows installed, since we only have a thin layer of wood protecting us from the elements. ian has installed all of those (with the exception of the 2 sidelights to the sliding door that we still need to order). the house is already transformed with natural light filling the space. ian plans to tackle one "replacement" window an evening. we still need to decide on the final size and type of window for the kitchen "backsplash". we had originally planned for it to be a large picture window, but now i'm thinking a slider would be great for cross-ventilation.
alongside all of these improvements, we've started to work on the main bathroom. i gutted the bathroom before we moved in; however, when we pulled up the flooring, we realized the subfloor was in such bad shape, and ian had to replace it. since then, he's framed in the side of the wall where the plumbing will be, and installed the tub. while he was under the house running the kitchen plumbing, he moved all the plumbing for this bathroom too.
at this point i feel like i should be posting some "after" or "progress" photos... but... to be honest, i just don't have the time! i've been dealing with a bad cold for the past few weeks and that in itself is slowing down our progress. along with our almost 3 year old who now refused to nap on weekends ;)
give me a few weeks... hopefully then i'll have some photo reveals :)
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
cooking, sleeping, bathing.
my 2 full time jobs are mom and art director. followed closely by interior decorator/architect/master budgeter. one of the pressing issues with "picking up the pace" is that we have to make alot of decisions to continue working. so while ian is working and london is sleeping, i am planning. here's what we have so far!
kitchen...
i think the people in the kitchen department at ikea might hate us. or see us coming, and think... them again?? on every single trip over the last few months, we've been pestering them about the new cabinets they are getting in this year, with the answer "we dont know that". well, persistence paid off. we found out they are going to be getting the cabinet door "sofielund" in mid-august. great news!! i had accidentally stumbled across this door style a month ago online, but didn't realize i was looking at an australian/asian catalog. (i was a little tired at the moment). i was so excited, sent links to ian, then realized... OOPS. this isn't in the US!! but now it is!! here's a pic from that catalog:
we'll be pairing these with a dark countertop and silver/glass front cabinets, stainless appliances, brushed hardware, and a concrete floor. still undecided on the ceiling... drywall, wood planks? this is where our kitchen plans are at the moment:
a little explaining might be needed :) ... the 2 black pantries to the left will be painted w/chalkboard paint for lists and doodles. (i hate the chalk mess, so we intend to use chalk markers). the horizontal glass front cabinets will have a hanging wooden shelf below (where i had to sub in metal shelves), with the range hood in between. above those glass front cabinets, we're thinking of "resting" a thicker wood shelf on top of those, sticking out a little deeper. the pantry to the right of the fridge is for cleaning supplies, swiffers, etc. the island is a little off on placement right now, and the "table part" should be a little bit longer (long enough for 2 stools on each side). that will be where we drink coffee, make cookies, and color. and, last but not least, the under counter wine fridge will be used for fancy beers :)
master bedroom...
this has been my biggest struggle. the master bedroom was roughly 18 x 17. pretty big, almost TOO big to be useable. we knew we wanted a sliding glass door/wall of windows/lots of light coming in from the back yard. we also knew we wanted to demo the closets, due to small doors and poor design. i would also like to vault the ceiling and add skylights, but that is still up for discussion :). the master bath is 8x8, which was also proving to be an awkward space... every design i came up with seemed like wasted space in the middle.
so, last night, ian had a brilliant idea. what if we turned the bathroom into a walk in closet, and build a master bath where the closets were? after a little sketching, i think this is proving to be the best use of our space.
before:
proposed "after":
both the bathroom and closet will have sliding pocket doors. the closet will have built-in "wardrobes" on each side (similar to our current closet). back wall will have mirrors and knobs to hang things up.
the bathroom...well... maybe its a little excessive? what we have here is an open shower, separated by a glass partition. there is also a soaking tub :) this may be a clawfoot tub, but i'm not sure if we'll be able to find one (or if that even goes with the style of the house). everything else is pretty standard... double sink, toilet, closet, etc. i have the shower wall built out a few inches to incorporate a built-in shelf for shampoo, etc. we also have a warming towel rack to hang on the far side of the shower.
the bedroom itself still feels pretty roomy with a queen sized bed in it. we have room for our 2 dressers, dog bed, and possibly a chest at the foot of the bed if we ever want one. probably have room for a cozy chair too! on the wall dividing the bedroom/bathroom, we're thinking of installing frosted transom windows right below the ceiling. we still need to decide what we're doing for the wall of windows/doors (expansive sliding glass doors are ridiculously expensive), but i think we're in a good starting place.
any thoughts/comments on our grand plans?? :)
kitchen...
i think the people in the kitchen department at ikea might hate us. or see us coming, and think... them again?? on every single trip over the last few months, we've been pestering them about the new cabinets they are getting in this year, with the answer "we dont know that". well, persistence paid off. we found out they are going to be getting the cabinet door "sofielund" in mid-august. great news!! i had accidentally stumbled across this door style a month ago online, but didn't realize i was looking at an australian/asian catalog. (i was a little tired at the moment). i was so excited, sent links to ian, then realized... OOPS. this isn't in the US!! but now it is!! here's a pic from that catalog:
we'll be pairing these with a dark countertop and silver/glass front cabinets, stainless appliances, brushed hardware, and a concrete floor. still undecided on the ceiling... drywall, wood planks? this is where our kitchen plans are at the moment:
a little explaining might be needed :) ... the 2 black pantries to the left will be painted w/chalkboard paint for lists and doodles. (i hate the chalk mess, so we intend to use chalk markers). the horizontal glass front cabinets will have a hanging wooden shelf below (where i had to sub in metal shelves), with the range hood in between. above those glass front cabinets, we're thinking of "resting" a thicker wood shelf on top of those, sticking out a little deeper. the pantry to the right of the fridge is for cleaning supplies, swiffers, etc. the island is a little off on placement right now, and the "table part" should be a little bit longer (long enough for 2 stools on each side). that will be where we drink coffee, make cookies, and color. and, last but not least, the under counter wine fridge will be used for fancy beers :)
master bedroom...
this has been my biggest struggle. the master bedroom was roughly 18 x 17. pretty big, almost TOO big to be useable. we knew we wanted a sliding glass door/wall of windows/lots of light coming in from the back yard. we also knew we wanted to demo the closets, due to small doors and poor design. i would also like to vault the ceiling and add skylights, but that is still up for discussion :). the master bath is 8x8, which was also proving to be an awkward space... every design i came up with seemed like wasted space in the middle.
so, last night, ian had a brilliant idea. what if we turned the bathroom into a walk in closet, and build a master bath where the closets were? after a little sketching, i think this is proving to be the best use of our space.
before:
proposed "after":
both the bathroom and closet will have sliding pocket doors. the closet will have built-in "wardrobes" on each side (similar to our current closet). back wall will have mirrors and knobs to hang things up.
the bathroom...well... maybe its a little excessive? what we have here is an open shower, separated by a glass partition. there is also a soaking tub :) this may be a clawfoot tub, but i'm not sure if we'll be able to find one (or if that even goes with the style of the house). everything else is pretty standard... double sink, toilet, closet, etc. i have the shower wall built out a few inches to incorporate a built-in shelf for shampoo, etc. we also have a warming towel rack to hang on the far side of the shower.
the bedroom itself still feels pretty roomy with a queen sized bed in it. we have room for our 2 dressers, dog bed, and possibly a chest at the foot of the bed if we ever want one. probably have room for a cozy chair too! on the wall dividing the bedroom/bathroom, we're thinking of installing frosted transom windows right below the ceiling. we still need to decide what we're doing for the wall of windows/doors (expansive sliding glass doors are ridiculously expensive), but i think we're in a good starting place.
any thoughts/comments on our grand plans?? :)
Sunday, July 08, 2012
picking up the pace.
i thought we were moving as fast as we could when we first bought the house. We started on the remodeling, and continued getting Riverview ready to sell. Things were going well... We completed a lot of demo work and Ian framed in some of the new walls. We had previously planned a summer vacation, so 3 weeks ago, we went on a family vacation to Acadia National Park in Maine. The day we returned, we immediately jumped back into things.
i had been terrified about buying a house before selling our house, mostly due to the fact that i didn't think anyone would actually buy our house! as luck would have it, we listed it last Friday. on Saturday, i got the call that we had viewers coming over in a hour. on Sunday night, we had our offer. by Monday, everything was under agreement and our house is now Contingent on the home inspection... which happened this past Thursday. 3 days!! our closing is set for August 31. that gives us roughly 1.5 months to get Sky Oak move in ready. and we have A LOT to do.
we've come up with the "master list" of what we need to accomplish before we can move in with London. we lived at Riverview while remodeling and its doable, but not with a toddler. we need to get all of the demo + dirty work out of the way. with the goal of moving in the weekend of August 18th, here is our working list...
- frame new windows + doors
- order new windows
- install sliding glass doors in kitchen & master bedroom
- demo master closet (done!)
- remove wall between dining room & new kitchen
- finish running new electric
- patch + finish drywall
- piece in floor
- refinish floors (sand, stain, poly)
- repair tub in master bath (done!)
- demo 2nd bath / start remodel / install new tub
- have AC / heat installed
- clean, clean, clean
i've made our master calendar of what needs to be done by when, and how we can possibly accomplish this while working full time and having a very active 2 1/2 year old that we can't bring up there. this basically means that Ian is on his own! Just kidding. I'm hoping we can alternate a few week nights here and there, and ian's parents have been great helping out with London on a few weekends.
after the move, we'll slow down the pace a little bit (so we actually see each other). the first major projects after the move will be:
- finish remodel of 2nd bathroom
- install new kitchen
- install all windows
- install all the new doors
- install our new closets
- paint
and then when all of that is done:
- demo / remodel master bath
- update laundry room
- new front walkway
- new back patio/deck
- remodel old kitchen > new bedroom
- new driveway
- remodel the exterior / landscaping
EASY PEASY!
:)
(remodeling photos hopefully in the next post... )
i had been terrified about buying a house before selling our house, mostly due to the fact that i didn't think anyone would actually buy our house! as luck would have it, we listed it last Friday. on Saturday, i got the call that we had viewers coming over in a hour. on Sunday night, we had our offer. by Monday, everything was under agreement and our house is now Contingent on the home inspection... which happened this past Thursday. 3 days!! our closing is set for August 31. that gives us roughly 1.5 months to get Sky Oak move in ready. and we have A LOT to do.
we've come up with the "master list" of what we need to accomplish before we can move in with London. we lived at Riverview while remodeling and its doable, but not with a toddler. we need to get all of the demo + dirty work out of the way. with the goal of moving in the weekend of August 18th, here is our working list...
- frame new windows + doors
- order new windows
- install sliding glass doors in kitchen & master bedroom
- demo master closet (done!)
- remove wall between dining room & new kitchen
- finish running new electric
- patch + finish drywall
- piece in floor
- refinish floors (sand, stain, poly)
- repair tub in master bath (done!)
- demo 2nd bath / start remodel / install new tub
- have AC / heat installed
- clean, clean, clean
i've made our master calendar of what needs to be done by when, and how we can possibly accomplish this while working full time and having a very active 2 1/2 year old that we can't bring up there. this basically means that Ian is on his own! Just kidding. I'm hoping we can alternate a few week nights here and there, and ian's parents have been great helping out with London on a few weekends.
after the move, we'll slow down the pace a little bit (so we actually see each other). the first major projects after the move will be:
- finish remodel of 2nd bathroom
- install new kitchen
- install all windows
- install all the new doors
- install our new closets
- paint
and then when all of that is done:
- demo / remodel master bath
- update laundry room
- new front walkway
- new back patio/deck
- remodel old kitchen > new bedroom
- new driveway
- remodel the exterior / landscaping
EASY PEASY!
:)
(remodeling photos hopefully in the next post... )
Sunday, June 17, 2012
from the beginning...
after 2+ years of looking for a house/land, we got this email from our realtor (fwd from the listing agent) on Monday, April 9th:
i especially love the PS.
Our offer was accepted Monday April 16th, and we closed on Friday, May 25th.
PHEW!!! it was a whirlwind adventure, and we've been moving nonstop since then. right now, we're dividing our time/resources between getting Sky Oak demo'd/remodeled/move-in-ready and getting Riverview packed up and listed to sell. having a 2.5 year old toddler that is terrified of packing tape doesn't make that easy!
this is our new schedule: a few nights a week, ian heads up to Sky Oak to work for a few hours, and spends the night on the luxurious air mattress. he travels up there early on saturday morning, usually by 7am and works until around 7pm and heads home. we have dinner and relax for the night. sunday mornings we do an early brunch, and we both pack up our vehicles with boxes. i'll head up a shortly after he does and bring london so she can get used to the new house... but unfortunately its not safe for her to stay for too long. this past weekend, she surprisingly took a nap on the air mattress, allowing ian + i to chat about the renovations and move boxes into the garage. he works all day sunday and spends the night up there. while he's working on Sky Oak, i'm working on packing up/fixing little things at Riverview. good times. i have a feeling that this schedule is going to get even worse in the upcoming weeks as we need to get more stuff done.
i have to keep reminding myself that it will all be worth it in the end. i just hope the end is sooner than later :)
and now... here are a few "before" photos for those who are curious what this place looks like!
Exterior Front:
exterior back/yard:
exterior front:
living room:
living room/towards bedroom:
living room view from dining room:
dining room looking into nook + kitchen:
dining room:
master bedroom:
"BEFORE" floorplan:
"AFTER" proposed floorplan:
FW: New UGLY listing coming up
Hello you all. I'm listing a propearty in Bradford Woods at XXX. It's a 1600 sq. ft ranch on a private road. The home next door is $900,000 piece of property. Needs a lot of tlc but it is in Bradford Woods and even if someone tore it down and put up a new one it could work. The house is vacant and the key is at my office on the desk, in the file. Please feel free to pick it up and take a look. Please don't make me do an open house there.
PS> I have a phone number for a demolition crew.
i especially love the PS.
Our offer was accepted Monday April 16th, and we closed on Friday, May 25th.
PHEW!!! it was a whirlwind adventure, and we've been moving nonstop since then. right now, we're dividing our time/resources between getting Sky Oak demo'd/remodeled/move-in-ready and getting Riverview packed up and listed to sell. having a 2.5 year old toddler that is terrified of packing tape doesn't make that easy!
this is our new schedule: a few nights a week, ian heads up to Sky Oak to work for a few hours, and spends the night on the luxurious air mattress. he travels up there early on saturday morning, usually by 7am and works until around 7pm and heads home. we have dinner and relax for the night. sunday mornings we do an early brunch, and we both pack up our vehicles with boxes. i'll head up a shortly after he does and bring london so she can get used to the new house... but unfortunately its not safe for her to stay for too long. this past weekend, she surprisingly took a nap on the air mattress, allowing ian + i to chat about the renovations and move boxes into the garage. he works all day sunday and spends the night up there. while he's working on Sky Oak, i'm working on packing up/fixing little things at Riverview. good times. i have a feeling that this schedule is going to get even worse in the upcoming weeks as we need to get more stuff done.
i have to keep reminding myself that it will all be worth it in the end. i just hope the end is sooner than later :)
and now... here are a few "before" photos for those who are curious what this place looks like!
Exterior Front:
exterior back/yard:
exterior front:
living room:
living room/towards bedroom:
living room view from dining room:
dining room looking into nook + kitchen:
dining room:
master bedroom:
"BEFORE" floorplan:
"AFTER" proposed floorplan:
Thursday, May 31, 2012
home
memorial day weekend, 2012. this will be the weekend we remember as the new beginning.
the start of making a house into our new home.
i bought our house on riverview on august 26, 2003. many years of blood, sweat and tears. and more tears. and laughter and smiles. the house holds a lot of memories... good and bad. i will always remember ian's candlelight proposal :) and our "firsts" with london. her first days, her first steps, her first smiles. we loved the house, and we put so much work into remodeling (its beautiful!), but we always knew it was never "home".
1 week into owning Sky Oak? i can say without question that it already feels more like home. it feels comfortable. i can envision our future there. i can envision our life there. birthdays, christmases, every day occasions... london riding her bike around the "great room". baking cookies in the non existent kitchen. watching the stars on the yet to be built back patio.
it will be a good home for our great life.
stay tuned for the progress report.
the start of making a house into our new home.
i bought our house on riverview on august 26, 2003. many years of blood, sweat and tears. and more tears. and laughter and smiles. the house holds a lot of memories... good and bad. i will always remember ian's candlelight proposal :) and our "firsts" with london. her first days, her first steps, her first smiles. we loved the house, and we put so much work into remodeling (its beautiful!), but we always knew it was never "home".
1 week into owning Sky Oak? i can say without question that it already feels more like home. it feels comfortable. i can envision our future there. i can envision our life there. birthdays, christmases, every day occasions... london riding her bike around the "great room". baking cookies in the non existent kitchen. watching the stars on the yet to be built back patio.
it will be a good home for our great life.
stay tuned for the progress report.
Sunday, January 01, 2012
looking back.
posting has been pretty rare for me. its not that i don't have anything to say... but finding the time is hard.
this time of year (and this year especially) my mind is spinning. so many thoughts. reflection, resolution, clarity. whatever you want to call it.
the transition of becoming a parent and losing a parent? its harder than you think. london is now 2 years old, but i'm still becoming a parent. i learn more every day. and the 2 parents i want to learn from? they're gone. i'm winging it. i'm trying to remember what they taught me... how i was raised. what made me who i am. unfortunately, all of that changed when i lost them. that changes you. and no one gets that. i feel like i talk about it alot, that at this point... i'm sure everyone is thinking "we get it aimee. you miss your parents". but you know what? its so much more than that. i miss them every day. thats an obvious understatement. but not having parents? watching your mom die in front of you? imagining how your dad took his last breath? those are the turning points in your life that change you.
it changes everything about you.
how you laugh, how you smile, how your eyes never see the same again.
everything becomes "what if" and "why didn't i do more". you hold onto specific moments and re-create them in your head over and over. and i know, after time, those re-creations will slowly change, and i won't be able to remember. but thats all i have... those fleeting memories.
and then i think more about my life, ian, london. i wonder if i'll be an amazing mom and wife. i'm trying (but i need to try harder). i need to worry less and enjoy time with them more. i'm still trying to balance life, work, and me time. right now work is winning... with little-to-no me time. i want to get back into photography, sewing, cooking. the things i used to do when i "worked" from home. i dont remember when the change happened... was it working full time again, having a baby, or just getting older. do i just not have the energy? am i really just lazy? whatever it is, it needs to change. i need to try harder and do more. not just for me, but for london and ian.
i want more and i want less. i want more time and experiences, i want less "stuff". with most people i know, its always "more, more, more". more clothes, more furniture, more electronics, always getting the newest version of what you already have. and that includes me and ian. sometimes it makes sense. sometimes you need a new toaster oven. but when we have a storage space storing "stuff that we need".... if we need it so much, why aren't we using it? do we have too much stuff for the space that we have, or is our space too small? we're trying to figure that out. we've been looking for a new house for over 2 years. during that time, we decided to start looking for land, so we could build our perfect house. i'm hoping that happens in the next year, but i also hope that WHEN it happens, we pare down what we have > what we need > what we actually want.
this year i'll turn 39, so i can't say if this is a mid-life crisis or not. i hope not... because i'm really hoping i'll live past 78. but i keep thinking, at this age i should know what i want and who i am. i'm no longer the urban sophisticate i tried so hard to be at 28. i'm not really a soccer mom. i can't say that we (yes, ian too) are the green urban hipsters that we sometimes think we are. when will i figure this out? when i'm 40? i feel like everything has changed in the past few years. i became a mom, but i also became a caregiver from afar. i learned about priorities and responsibilities. i learned about unconditional love and humility. i learned about loss. and that you can't take anything for granted.
goodbye 2011. 2012 has promise... promise for remembering without crying, finding myself, and becoming the mom and wife that my parents taught me to become. i'm ready for it.
this time of year (and this year especially) my mind is spinning. so many thoughts. reflection, resolution, clarity. whatever you want to call it.
the transition of becoming a parent and losing a parent? its harder than you think. london is now 2 years old, but i'm still becoming a parent. i learn more every day. and the 2 parents i want to learn from? they're gone. i'm winging it. i'm trying to remember what they taught me... how i was raised. what made me who i am. unfortunately, all of that changed when i lost them. that changes you. and no one gets that. i feel like i talk about it alot, that at this point... i'm sure everyone is thinking "we get it aimee. you miss your parents". but you know what? its so much more than that. i miss them every day. thats an obvious understatement. but not having parents? watching your mom die in front of you? imagining how your dad took his last breath? those are the turning points in your life that change you.
it changes everything about you.
how you laugh, how you smile, how your eyes never see the same again.
everything becomes "what if" and "why didn't i do more". you hold onto specific moments and re-create them in your head over and over. and i know, after time, those re-creations will slowly change, and i won't be able to remember. but thats all i have... those fleeting memories.
and then i think more about my life, ian, london. i wonder if i'll be an amazing mom and wife. i'm trying (but i need to try harder). i need to worry less and enjoy time with them more. i'm still trying to balance life, work, and me time. right now work is winning... with little-to-no me time. i want to get back into photography, sewing, cooking. the things i used to do when i "worked" from home. i dont remember when the change happened... was it working full time again, having a baby, or just getting older. do i just not have the energy? am i really just lazy? whatever it is, it needs to change. i need to try harder and do more. not just for me, but for london and ian.
i want more and i want less. i want more time and experiences, i want less "stuff". with most people i know, its always "more, more, more". more clothes, more furniture, more electronics, always getting the newest version of what you already have. and that includes me and ian. sometimes it makes sense. sometimes you need a new toaster oven. but when we have a storage space storing "stuff that we need".... if we need it so much, why aren't we using it? do we have too much stuff for the space that we have, or is our space too small? we're trying to figure that out. we've been looking for a new house for over 2 years. during that time, we decided to start looking for land, so we could build our perfect house. i'm hoping that happens in the next year, but i also hope that WHEN it happens, we pare down what we have > what we need > what we actually want.
this year i'll turn 39, so i can't say if this is a mid-life crisis or not. i hope not... because i'm really hoping i'll live past 78. but i keep thinking, at this age i should know what i want and who i am. i'm no longer the urban sophisticate i tried so hard to be at 28. i'm not really a soccer mom. i can't say that we (yes, ian too) are the green urban hipsters that we sometimes think we are. when will i figure this out? when i'm 40? i feel like everything has changed in the past few years. i became a mom, but i also became a caregiver from afar. i learned about priorities and responsibilities. i learned about unconditional love and humility. i learned about loss. and that you can't take anything for granted.
goodbye 2011. 2012 has promise... promise for remembering without crying, finding myself, and becoming the mom and wife that my parents taught me to become. i'm ready for it.
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