this side down.

its been a busy week, as usual, but i figured i was taking a break to post photos to flickr, i may as well write about them. first of all... july?? how is it july already? my birthday was just last week, wasn't it? sigh.

in spite of everything thats been going on in our personal lives, we've been wanting to keep busy. busy-ness is a good distraction. ian has been a real trouper and is getting a lot done on the stairwell. we have a 3 floor house [plus basement] so we have a 2 level stairwell [main floor to top; main floor to bottom] and each has a landing in the middle. right now we're focusing on the top stairwell so we can finish putting the floor down in the spare room and landing. confused yet? last year when we remodeled the master bedroom, we stopped the flooring at the doorway and have been patiently waiting since then to finish it. its going to be a continuous floor over the 2 bedrooms and hallway. the floor was really gross before moving in:





the stairwell wasn't in much better shape:




those lumpy patches on the wall? we found out those were cereal box patches. no wonder the wall was all wobbly and squishy feeling.

over the past few days, ian has given up going to the gym after work to patch the stairwell and skim coat it. talk about dedication!





we need to re-drywall the ceiling on the top floor hallway before we can do anymore drywall finishing. if all goes well, we can get this done over the next few days [especially if the forecast calls for rain], and have it skip-trowelled and painted soon. i'm just anxious to get the extra flooring out of walk-in closet and installed in the hallway/spare room.

and while we'd like to finish up the hallway, we're praying for no rain this weekend so we can finally get back to work on the patio, but the forecast isn't looking good so far. its getting frustrating waiting for a full day of sunshine to finish it. more than likely we'll have to put in a 12 hour day on the next sunny day just "in case". yay!

and on a completely unrelated and totally embarrassing [for me] note... haim and "feldog" share the news that they were both molested/raped by a friend of feldmans??? hmm... any thoughts on this one? sadly, probably no, because i highly doubt anyone else watches this show. its like watching a train wreck, but highly entertaining. ok, not really entertaining....

and the night is as black as the sea

its been a busy month. and sadly, busy doesn't always mean good.

we went up to erie father's day weekend to visit my family, and to be there for my nephew's dedication at church. the church was also doing a memorial type thing for my dad, acknowledging all the work he did for the church. father's day would not have been my ideal choice, but, then again, when would have been a good day? we spent time with my sister, and visited my mom and aunt. we made it back to pittsburgh in time on sunday for a father's day picnic at ian's parents. it was a difficult and emotional day. the fact that fathers day is just a week after my dad's birthday... well, that doesn't make things any easier.

after arriving home,we get the news that my aunt lois is in the hospital with pneumonia. mid-week, she isn't doing well. i don't think the word "dying" was used, but it was understood. she passed away friday afternoon. she was 79 years old, unmarried with no children. other than my parents, i've never really talked about "personal" aspects of my life, but this may need a little explanation. my aunt moved in with us when i was 5 years old. she lived with us until she moved into a nursing home several years ago. she had to be in a wheelchair at that time and couldn't maneuver thru our house. needless to say, she was like a grandmother to us, and often told us that we were like her children. [my only living grandmother died when i was 5; my aunt had lived with her, and thats why she ended up moving in with us.] of course, we visited her whenever we went up to erie, even when my father was getting bad. at the very least, we'd always manage to squeeze in a stop before we got on the road, many times visiting with sydney. the elderly *love* sydney :)

the funeral was held on tuesday. i had been up there awhile, to help with the final arrangements. because of her closeness with my parents, they had all pre-planned their funerals at the same place. to make a long story short, the funeral was held in the same room as my fathers had been. it was just a little too soon :( we had her brother and 2 cousins sing "i'll fly away" and "peace in the valley" which was really beautiful. other than some annoying family bullshit, it was a nice ceremony and i know my aunt would have been pleased.

having another family funeral brings up alot of sadness and memories, but i won't get into that now.

we needed a little happiness. or at least "fun". thursday night we headed down to the strip district to see alkaline trio play at metropol, er, i mean, the ridiculously named club zoo. we started off the night by having dinner at kaya, the setting of our first date. after being seated, we were asked to move to the next table over, and given a carafe of sangria on the house. unnecessary, but a nice touch :) we enjoyed our meals of paella and burger and then made the rainy walk down to the club.

we had purposely missed the first 2 bands and worked our way thru the crowds to find a good spot. [this was after realizing that even tho alcohol is normally served at all ages show in a separate area, there was no separate area or alcohol. i was much more looking forward to the separate viewing area.] so anyways, the lights dim and i hoisted myself up to sit on the tiny ledge of an uncomfortable industrial pillar, as others on the pillar were doing. this was met with shouts of "sit the F down" from the 15 year old emo kids behind us. and while i normally don't have a problem with perfectly coiffed whiny emo kids, i was more in the mood to just enjoy the show from my perch. which i did. and it was a great show. very loud, but enjoyable. however, i do find it somewhat distracting trying to watch a band thru all the camera phones being waved around. between that and the flailing legs and arms coming from the mosh pit, but... maybe i'm just getting old. well, definitely too old for all ages shows!

my sister came down this weekend to visit for a bit. she went out for a few hours on saturday which left ian and i to do a little more work on the house. i finished removed the old flooring in the spare room and we got a coat of paint on half of it. [thats basically to seal it before we put down the new flooring]. this week we will need to patch the walls in the stairwell/hallway. we have a continuous floor joining the top floor bedrooms + hallway so we need to finish the walls before installing the floor in the hallway and then into the bedroom. luckily, its a fairly small hallway, so it shouldn't hold us up too long. because of the rain the back patio is still on hold, but we're hoping for sunny skies this coming weekend.

thats it for now. time for me to get back to my day job :)

35

so last sunday [the 1st], i turned 35. yes, 35. i feel old. i am old. it sucks. to cheer myself up [and to get myself out of a rut], i decided to cut off my hair. i've been debating this for the past year or longer, after "growing my hair out" for the wedding. [which, i don't even understand, because my hair, as usual, was pulled back]. so i went to the salon and emerged an hour later with 10" less hair, and possibly 2 pounds lighter. i have very thick, heavy hair. i am donating the ponytail to "pantene's beautiful lengths" hair donation program.



after having my hair straightened at the salon, it looked sleek, swingy and light. i have not quite been able to duplicate it yet. i even bought a new wigo flat iron at ulta to replace my shitty one. i've been whipping out all my hair products and trying them out, but this humidity is killing me. and having naturally wavy hair isn't helping. this morning i let it air dry and it looked like rhona mitra's from doomsday. decide for yourself if that is a good or bad thing ;)

my birthday celebration was low-key, exactly what i wanted. ian and i went to casbah for sunday brunch and, as usual, it was delicious. i had the brioche french toast with carmelized bananas, while ian tried the hanger steak. both were delicious. we also had appetizers of cheese + fruit plates and granola. and mimosas. and complimentary little muffins. its always too much food, but so worth it.

i received some wonderful gifts, including some craft books, some "green books", a few movies that i love but for some reason didn't own, some cute clothes, godiva chocolates, and some random other stuff that i can't remember at the moment. ian also got me some screen printing + block printing supplies as i've been wanting to try out some ideas on clothes that i've made.

we took that weekend off which was really nice, but it meant we had a lot to catch up on this weekend. we resumed work on the patio first thing saturday morning. armed with iced coffees, coppertone, and some wendy's breakfast frescuits, we started working in the 90 degree heat. it took awhile, but once we developed our system things went smoothly. we are using the quickrete walkmaker mold in the country stone pattern. ian mixed 2 bags of concrete with 1 box of charcoal colorant. then we would pour it into the mold and i would level it off and make adjustments while ian would work on the next batch of concrete.





we finished about 1/3 of the patio on saturday, which was maybe 6 hours of actual work on the patio. we stopped when we ran out of concrete. we'll need to pick up some more this week and then get back to work! once we finish setting the patio, depending on how the color finally dries, we may spray a concrete stain on it. then we'll add sand between the pavers and start setting everything up. here's how its looking so far:



i'd like to rearrange the "firepit" so it is lower and not open in the front... more like a pit than an oven. i also need to finish potting my plants and rearrange everything in the gravel area. its alot of work but its going to be totally worth it. for us to enjoy and for selling the house :)

so needless to say, its been a busy week. i'm still bummed about being 35, but i did get carded the other night, so it can't be all that bad. plus, with all this adorable cuteness at home, how can i possibly stay bummed out?

3 day weekend

phew! we had a crazy busy weekend. since i moved in back in 2003, one of the things on the house to-do list was "something" with the backyard. it was always very uneven and lumpy, kind of in 2 levels, but neither of those were even. you couldn't level a picnic table, and mowing the lawn was a bitch. so the past few rainy weekends, we started planning. we made a few trips to lowes for pricing + ideas, watched some episodes of desperate landscapes and home gardening shows, and came up with some ideas. last weekend, we had a few hours of sunshine and started digging.

before:


we decided to divide the backyard into 2 levels, making a wall out of railroad ties. its 3 ties high.... which really sucked for ian. those timbers weigh 250#s each, and sadly, i could not help him carry them. i dug out + leveled the trenches while he picked up the timbers. we had 2 truckloads of 6. that was a painful weekend. we placed what we could before the rain started, then had a mud pit for a week, until the sun came back out this weekend. thats when the real fun started :)



the weekend is a blur, but i'll see what i can remember. saturday morning we woke up early and drove out to lowes. of course we made a pit stop at starbucks and then sadly, at mcdonalds as i needed to have a mcgriddle [egg + cheese, no meat]. then off to lowes to stock up on dirt, some edging stones, drywall mud [another project going on], and random other crap. ian finished installing the railroad ties while i moved onto another project.... removing the concrete walkway. it was badly made, uneven, and about 2-3" above the lawn itself. out came the sledgehammer, and the upper body workout. it was alot of work, and i could barely move on sunday, but the walkway is out. i broke it up, while ian moved all the rubble to fill in behind the wall. we disassembled then reassembled a concrete lincoln-log type firepit on the top level. after that, we called it a night. we headed over to harris grill for dinner then decided to grab dessert and a nightcap at casbah. we had raspberry chocolate bread pudding, with a warm vanilla sauce. it was delicious and just what we needed after a long day of work.

walkway removed:


sunday was more of the same. digging + leveling the top level of the yard. marking off the area for the patio. re-working the stepping stone walkway we had in place. mowing the lawn [as a break from hard labor]. late morning we had to make another trip out to lowes and ended up stopping at rock bottom for brunch. yes we were dirty and in our work clothes, but we were hungry! the staff recognizes us, so it wasn't a big deal, just the looks we get from the other diners. then it was back to work again. in between the yard work, ian would go work on our other project, the spare room. he patched all the walls, and skip troweled this weekend. the next step is sanding the baseboards + trim before we can paint. we did as much as we could on sunday before sheer exhaustion took over. i can't even explain how exhausting the weekend was.



monday was our day "off", where we ran errands and picked up some more supplies at lowes, found some 70% off gardening pots at joanns, then had a relaxing outdoor lunch at mad mex. [i really don't like their new website.] it was really nice to just relax and take a day off. ian did a little more work on the spare room when we got back home, plus we spread some more grass seed over the bare areas of the lawn. no photos of the spare room yet... photos of blank walls are pretty boring.

its going to be a busy week, so i'm not sure when work will resume on the backyard, as the coming weekend is my birthday. hopefully i will have more progress shots soon. our realtor is coming over tonight to take a look at the house to see all of the work we've done. we're hoping to get a good estimate of what we could sell the house for. i'm not sure when we would be selling, but i know its in the not-so-far-off future. we go to open houses and see whats out there... we're keeping our eyes open.

i'm it

so i've been tagged. normally, i ignore these ;) but hey, its been awhile since i've posted, so why not? i've got a weekend recap post on the way, so i'll be back sometime soon.

The Rules:
Once you’ve been tagged, you have to write a blog with 10 weird, random, facts, habits or goals about yourself. At the end, choose 6 people to be tagged, list their names & why you tagged them. Don’t forget to leave them a comment saying “You’re it!” & to go read your blog. You cannot tag the person that tagged you, so since you’re not allowed to tag me back; let me know when you are done so I can go read YOUR weird/random/odd facts, habits and goals.

so here we go....

1. i love DIY projects. obviously. i love the satisfaction of knowing i made something, plus its usually cheaper to do it yourself! while i can knit, sew, and garden, i can also hang drywall, tile and electrical work. and thats just the start of the list!

2. most of my pet peeves are sound based. windshield wipers left on after the rain has stopped, gum chewing, nail biting, mouth breathing, loud eaters,... i could go on. ian says i have super sonic hearing. maybe thats my super power?

3. i have an indescribable fear of needles and blood. this had led me to pass out 15+ times, walk out of 3 movies [for fear of passing out], and waiting until i was 28 to get my ears pierced [i passed out the first 2 times].

4. when i'm really sick, one of my ears [usually the right] turns bright red. this made it very easy for my parents to tell when i was faking it when i was little.

5. the only thing that calms my stomach when i'm sick or upset is a wendy's iced tea.

6. in high school i worked at dairy queen brazier. one of the first things you learn is how to make the signature "curl" on the soft serve cone. i think i could still do it. i also made ice cream cakes, dilly bars and blizzards. even though i'm not a huge fan of soft serve ice cream, my all time favorite sundae from there is the old school peanut butter, made with chocolate syrup, peanut butter syrup, marshmallow syrup and spanish peanuts.

7. back in '99, i developed a blood clot in my eye. i was driving home from work and lost my peripheral vision. it lasted through the night and i thought i was going blind. pretty scary shit.

8. i studied french for over 12 years. i am semi-fluent and can read and speak french, but still have a hard time understanding someone speaking it. i'm a little rusty. i've been to france twice and montreal 3 times. hoping to go back soon :)

9. i met chris carrabba of dashboard confessional after a solo show in los angeles a few years back. he is at the top of "my list". the most i could manage to say was "thank you" when he signed my so impossible cd. im such a dork.

10. i don't drink soft drinks [pop, soda, whatever]. i hate the taste and fizziness. i always have, even when i was kid.


i have no idea who to tag tho, so... hmm... bob, you're it again. and sheila, amy, jane, and whoever else reads this, feel free to play along :)

baby quilts3

this will be an almost entirely sewing related post, so come back in another week if you [bob, ian, joe, etc...] are looking for something more interesting ;)

i think there must be a baby boom going on or something, because almost everyone i know is having babies. normally, i break out the knitting needles and make a cute sweater or blanket, or if they are having a girl, make a cute little dress. when ian's sister was due to have her baby in january, i thought, hey, why don't i try to make a quilt? i had just picked up "last minute patchwork + quilted gifts", and thought i would try one out. she was having a girl, so i looked thru my fabric stash and found some fabric remnants that would work, plus part of a new white sheet that was in my dad's quilting stash. [and i would have to agree with that... sheets seem to produce a much softer quilt than cotton fabrics from the store.]

baby quilt #1:
pattern: chinese stacked coins from last minute patchwork + quilted gifts
size: approx 36 X 45 ish
gifted to: kellie's baby samantha





i used some soft colored fabrics for this one, with a backing of a purple-ish floral. i machine-quilted it on a diagonal. this was my first attempt at any of this, so there are a few mistakes [some puckers on the back of the quilt] but i think it turned out well :)



baby quilt #2:
pattern: my own; a simple quilt of blocks on a white grid
size: approx 36 X 45 ish
gifted to: penny's baby boy-to-be





my sister wanted more of a traditional quilt [something that "looked like quilt"], so i decided to go with something simple and somewhat traditional. i picked up a few fat quarters, used some stash fabric i had, and backed it with leftover fabric from the bumper pad + crib skirt i had made her. she was very happy with it :)


baby quilt #3:
pattern: my own, in shades of pink, chocolate + coffee. double sided, machine-quilted on the diagonal with pink thread. self binding by wrapping back side around to front as binding.
size: 40 x 40
gifted to: gary + ann's girl-to-be







i think this has been my favorite quilt so far. i love the color scheme and design. i designed it in illustrator which was very helpful and made the actual piecing of it very easy. this was my first solid color quilt and i am very happy with the results. i discovered that my machine has a walking foot attachment, which made quilting so much easier! no puckers on the back! even stitches on both sides! you can't even tell which side was right side up when i quilted it. i was inspired by the color's of yaiann's quilt, but of course, didn't want to copy it! it was gifted on sunday morning at a warhol museum baby shower, and the couple was happy with it.

finishing up this last quilt has made me seriously re-consider my sewing/knitting hobby as a side business. i've been thinking of opening up an etsy shop [to start, before i can actually make the website + market items] focusing on infant clothing and bedding type accessories. i've got a lot to think about before i can start planning, but with any luck, it will happen :)

smile

the warmth of the sun does wonders for the soul. and today, i needed that. its the 6 month reminder of a very sad day. and while i miss my dad every day, i still can't believe its been 6 months without him.

so today, i'm taking notice of the little things that make me smile, because today, i really need it.

- springtime. its finally here. the sun is warming up the ground, and i was able to plant some bulbs and groundcover this weekend. i find gardening to be calming and relaxing, so i'm glad that i'm finally able to do it again.

- watching the birds and squirrels from my office window. the birds check out the numerous bird feeders we have, while the squirrels dig holes in the mulch and scurry all over the yard and across the fence.

- random text messages from ian, i.e. "my name is seth. i like to dance." or "he's a master of karate". ok, these make me giggle too :)

- waking up in the morning, with sydney at my feet and a cat [or 2!] curled up beside me, as if i'm spooning them. its almost as cute as falling asleep with tan cat draped across my rib cage as i'm curled up on my side. and yes, he does that every night.

-realizing, 5 seasons into monk, that leland stottlemeyer is none other than buffalo bill, the creepy, transexual, womens-skin-wearing, it-rubs-the-lotion-on-its-skin, serial killer. wow! i'm really going to have a very hard time watching the show after re-watching the silence of the lambs infamous dance scene.

- bell's oberon. its that time of year again. enough said.

- homemade chocolate pudding. oh wait, i didn't make that, but i do *love* it, and it sure sounds good right now. i'll have to wait till we finish up the chocolate zucchini cake that i made earlier this week. its my moms recipe and it is tasty! maybe i'll share that someday.

- did i mention it was spring? my lilac tree is blooming :)



[hopefully my next post won't be too far off, and i'll have some photos of the cute clothes i've been making, along with the handknits, and more info on my fabric de-stashing.]

enjoy the sunshine. life is too short not to.

spring cleaning

its that time of year... out with the old, in with the new. ian and i have started our spring cleaning, getting rid of the clutter that we don't need. twice a year we sort thru our closets and re-assess what we have. some pants become capris, some LS tees become cardigans, some clothes are re-assigned to home remodeling or yard work. the rest goes into piles to take to goodwill and avalon. we're getting rid of alot more than i thought, so i guess that means we'll be going shopping soon. we also posted a bunch of stuff on craigslist to clear out some room: 2 dressers, 2 old vintage cabinet sewing machines, coffee table, nightstands, tv... its crazy! hopefully we'll sell everything and make some room. plus, we'll have extra money for clothes shopping mentioned above ;)

while ian was in boston, i started going thru my fabric stash. i had been storing it in our spare room [my old office], and will need to move it into my new office so we can finish the spare room. boy was that an undertaking! i knew i had a lot of fabric... but... lets just say, its more than i really need. i had maybe 6 bins full, plus a dresser.... .so i had to organize all of that. needless to say, i have some extra fabric that i'm ready to get rid of as well. about 3 large bags of fabric at the moment [2 bins worth?]. there's some pretty nice stuff, so if anyone is interested, let me know! i need the space, so expect it to be pretty cheap, $1-2/yd, or something in trade would be nice.

on the plus side of sorting thru all the fabric, i've started my list of spring/summer sewing. some capris, sundresses, summery skirts, camisoles, some girly blouses.

we will become sundresses and camis:


capris in progress:


ive already made progress on a pair of capris and blouse, but those were put on hold while i finish up a baby blanket. photos will be posted after its gifted this weekend :)

hello bahstahn

we've established that i'm lazy and bad with blogging, haven't we? maybe i'm bored with it, maybe its a lack of free time. maybe i just don't have anything interesting to say lately? not much going on now, other than an impromptu trip to boston last thursday. [has it already been a week??] you see, ian has been working there since the beginning of the month. he and his boss are remodeling a kitchen and master bath [for his boss' son + wife], who are also friends of ours. confused yet?!? hes set to be there the entire month of february. thats a long time! luckily, our friends decided to fly me out there last weekend to celebrate his birthday, which is also valentine's day. there was a lot of sneaking around involved, but we managed to pull it off.

my flight arrived sometime around 3, and we showed up at the house right as he was finishing up work. he was pleasantly surprised. all of us ended up going out to a birthday/valentines dinner at "the publick house", a belgian pub with an amazing beer selection and even better menu. it was a good start to a great weekend.



ian was given a short "vacation" while i was in town so we set off to see the sights. he's staying in newton [which is actually where matt damon lives.... if anyone cares] so we'd start off the day by walking down the street, grabbing a coffee and hopping on the subway. we had a map but no real plan, other than to spend time together. we tried to hit all the spots that were suggested... newbury street [for shopping + lunch], the public gardens + boston commons [just for the beauty of it], the north end [for some tasty gelato], along with cambridge/harvard area. we really had a lot of fun walking around, even if it was ridiculously cold and windy.





we had some delicious meals out on the town, and a visit to mike's pastry, [which is apparently a famous pastry shop] for a slice of [what else] boston creme pie and canolis.

i flew back on monday and have another week of the single life before ian comes home. well, i hope its only 1 more week. i've been getting alot of freelance work finished and have been dining with the walters frequently. but it does suck that i have to gather garbage and shovel snow by myself. more than that, i miss ian, so come home soon!

resolution.

i know, i've been lazy about blogging. january is already half over. i just haven't felt like it. i've been busy with work and distracted with non-work things. i suppose its about time i write *something*.

whats been going on? we had a quiet christmas. we were in erie for christmas eve, which was, obviously, a little sad. it was bad enough this would be the first christmas without a "home" to go to; but without my dad there, it was really hard. i miss him alot, and the holidays were a struggle. my dad was one of the very few people who would actually watch "its a wonderful life" with me, and "white christmas". both movies would make us cry, and every year we'd both pretend it didn't. makes me smile to think of that. i love those movies. ian gave them to me for christmas this year with the promise to watch them every year [with a 10 year limit on it; i can't blame him!]. it was sad yet touching to watch them this year.

we spent christmas day at his parents; there was so many people there it was easy to be distracted, which was a good thing. unfortunately, ian got sick for a few days, then i was hit for a few days, so we spent a quiet new years at home with some takeout and a movie. it was still a nice way to ring in the new year.

during that time, we managed to finish the bathroom. i know, i know! finally! its wonderful. our hard work paid off. we still have to fix a few things, like lowering the towel rack and finishing "moving in", but im loving it. the new whirlpool tub is wonderful :) its hard to get shots inside of a small bathroom, but here are a few:





we also finished the linen closet in the hallway. its been great moving stuff that had been stored in the laundry room up to a more useable area. no photos of that... its just a closet :) other house stuff has involved rearranging the kitchen into a more workable space... mostly moving around some appliances, getting rid of some stuff, etc. ian is going to be installing a butcher block [remnant from his parent's kitchen remodel] next to the stove. once that is finished, i'll post some photos of the kitchen, since i don't think that i ever did.

i also finished a few knitting projects, but haven't photographed anything. i'm lazy. actually, i need ian to take a few during the day while theres some good lighting, so it'll have to wait til the weekend. the list: central park hoodie [this has been finished for MONTHS, but no buttons], l'il red riding hoodie, natasha gloves, dashing gloves, baby sweater; plus some old projects that were never documented: swallowtail shawl, semi-tomato, sahara, etc.... i am so lazy about taking these photos! this week we've been working on [finally] finishing my office. and by finishing, i mean organizing. its a mess right now, but i'm hoping to have it cleaned up within the week. ian built me a new desk which we installed last night, plus i have some storage units to start moving my fabric down here. there's no way its all going to fit; i may have to destash some of it.

sounds like we've been crazy busy, doesn't it?? we met up with the walters on sunday for a delicious brunch at coca cafe. fun times were had and crazy stories were told. its good to get out of the house :) now as for my resolutions... i have many. i know that gym is calling my name, as is my camera. they both need a good workout. i have a few that are more "internal" resolutions, or private ones, i guess. i need to heal. i need a change/growth/whatever you want to call it. i need to smile more. hopefully i'm off to a good start :)

winter chill

winter is officially here. its freezing outside. and the snow is falling... brrr.

we went up to erie on friday night after work and spent most of saturday with my mom. we took her out to lunch at steak and shake, which she really enjoyed [and i had some delicious gumbo],and we decorated her room for christmas. we took a quick drive up to the cemetery but it was too cold to stay for long. we ended up coming back to pittsburgh late saturday night because of an impending storm due to hit erie that night. it never happened.

ian is remodeling a lake house in somerset this week so i have the house to myself. no big plans yet... i *should* clean the house, go to the gym and put the first tape coat on the drywall in the closet. i will probably bake cookies, finish some knitting projects and get sucked into an SVU marathon on USA.

a few weeks ago, we had the lovely ladies from retro come pick up a car load of stuff i was finally ready to unload... an old theatre seat, lots (and i mean lots) of glass + dishwares, toys, etc. there will be a nice new selection at the store now :) i need to go thru more of my stuff that i've just been holding on to and give them another call. i have 2 vintage sewing machines that have been sitting in a spare room since i moved in... time to go! we have a few other pieces of furniture that we need to clear out and make room [old nightstands, dressers] one of these days... plus i'll need to make another trip to goodwill to drop off some clothes.

i "finished" the l'il red riding hoodie from domiknitrix a month or so ago, but i still need to sew the zipper in. once that is completed, i'll have to take some photos to post. its an interesting construction with arm gussets and its going to be super cozy. i've started another quick project, some fingerless mittens/gauntlets. its a nice cabled version so i'm not getting too bored. one down, one to go.

not myself

sigh. its been a long month or so since i last wrote. i've been trying to keep myself busy with freelance jobs. and house stuff. we finally have started back up on the bathroom remodel, along with the linen closet. i framed in the closet over the weekend [just imagine this tiny powerhouse using a nail gun], while ian finished plumbing the bathroom and hanging tileboard. i helped him for a little bit... until part of the ceiling light/fan fixture fell off... directly onto my nose. the metal corner missing my eye by an inch. surprisingly, i did not drop the tile board. my nose is sore, i have a headache, and it makes me grumpy. i went back to drywall-ing the closet.

with it being the "holiday season", i've been sad. i try not to think about it, but with all the damn christmas music playing EVERYWHERE... its hard to ignore it. i feel numb, asleep... its not easy to explain, so i won't. i'm in a time of reflection, looking back on the distant and not-so-distant past. sometimes i don't feel like *me* anymore. i was looking back thru photos and i don't recognize myself anymore. i'm tired. i'm bored... with myself. i need a change, but i'm not sure what. maybe a change of scenery, maybe a haircut, new wardrobe, maybe a change within. i have no idea. i hope i know when i find it.

we had some beautiful weather last week. i was finally enjoying fall. we had lunch outside on wednsday! saturday morning i came downstairs to make some coffee and all the trees were bare. what happened to all the beautiful leaves?

after great pain

how do i write about my fathers death? i feel that anything i say won't be enough, or may sound like just "words". maybe this will help me...i don't know.

we knew he was dying. he moved into hospice care at the beginning of august, with the outlook of 6 to 8 months. i was expecting 6. i was hoping for 8. i never thought it would be 2 months. i feel like i was robbed of those 4 months with my dad.

he tried to hide his pain and suffering from everyone so its hard to realize how bad he was. i saw him the last weekend of september, and i'll cherish that time. since there was no more work left to do on the house, we were able to spend some quality time with him. he was in a lot of pain saturday, and the doctor had given him some painkillers so he was a little chatty. ian and i sat with him after dinner past visiting hours, as he told us stories from his past. we were planning on going back up the weekend of the 12th to visit him and my mom.

i called him on the 6th to thank him for the anniversary card and gift, and to get his advice on buying some trees. we chatted for a little bit, but he was tired and having a hard time breathing, so it was a short call.

on wednesday the 10th, a little after noon, i got a phone call from my mothers nursing home. they said she was really upset about my father passing away. at first i was shocked, then confused, and then a little scared. she couldn't explain why she thought that, but she was upset. [she has dementia, so we didn't really know what was going on]. i called my sister penny, but there was no answer. then i figured, well... i'll just call daddy.

i was never so relieved to hear his voice. we joked a little bit... he was getting a sponge bath, and i let him get back to that. i told him i'd call him a little later. i called the nursing home back and let them know everything was ok. i spoke with penny and she went in to visit him and he was doing ok. only 2 hours later, penny was called back up to the VA and given the news that he had passed away. he was in pain, asked for some medicine, and was gone by the time they brought it back to the room. penny called to tell me the news. in shock, i called ian. thankfully he knew what the tears meant, since i couldn't say a word, and he left work to come home.

later on, we found out from the nursing home that my mom was a wreck between 3:30 and 4, telling them they had to let her go to him, that her husband needed her. when we made it to erie to visit her, she told us that daddy came to her, that he told her he couldn't do it anymore, and held his chest. it gives me chills thinking about that...

she seems to be doing ok.... as ok as can be expected. losing a spouse of 39 years would be painful for anyone. but given her condition... i think it makes things a little worse. she knows he's gone, but i think sometimes she forgets the timeframe and when things have happened. but maybe that makes things easier.

the viewings and funeral, well, what can you say. it was sad, it was painful. it was just horrible. there are really no words to describe everything. i can't remember when i've cried so much in my life. during the viewings, whenever it got too much for me, i would leave and go to the lounge to cry, or walk the hallway. i didn't want my mom to see me so upset because of it possibly upsetting her more. at one point during the service, it really hit me, and a sob came. and all of a sudden, my mom was a "mother" again, and put her arm around me and wanted to comfort me and make sure i was ok. there was a moment of clarity and the roles were reversed and she knew i needed her. it only lasted a minute or so, but it was comforting.

even though my father was in WWII, he did not want a full military funeral. his coffin was draped with the flag [which will eventually go to me when my mother passes], and he had a bagpiper play amazing grace. that was incredibly sad, but really beautiful. we placed flowers on the casket and had to leave. its all a bit of a blur to me.

the days since then have been difficult. i've been hiding out at home, doing a little work to keep me distracted. its so much harder than i ever expected. i haven't been sleeping well. and unfortunately when i wake up, its the first thing i remember. i haven't had much of an appetite, other than for soup. ian's mom has been sending home cookies which have been helping. i've received comments, emails, card, etc... and they all mean so much to me. its comforting to know that my friends are there for me. and i'm gonna need you guys the next few months. thank you so much for all the kind words and thoughts coming my way.

i really miss him. i'd call him every few days, and sit out on the back steps talking to him while sydney played in the yard. i'd always ask him what he had for lunch, and then we'd talk about days of our lives or what old movie he had been watching on tv. he was my go-to guy for gardening questions, and if i really had to wait until after memorial day to plant vegetables outside. he knew everything from quilting to home building and everything in between. he truly was a wonderful man and father.

people always say that you'll get past this. but the real truth is, before you can get past it, you have to live through it.


after great pain a formal feeling comes
the nerves sit ceremonious like tombs;
the stiff heart questions, was it he that bore?
and yesterday, or centuries before?

the feet, mechanical, go round
a wooden way
of ground, or air, or ought,
regardless grown,
a quartz contentment, like a stone.

this is the hour of lead
remembered if outlived,
as freezing persons recollect the snow;
first chill, then stupor, then the letting go.

goodbye daddy

charles truman sanford
june 9, 1927 - october 10, 2007


yesterday afternoon i called my dad to check in on him and see how he was doing... i was interrupting his sponge bath, which we joked about, and told him i would call him back later in the day. a few hours later, he wasn't feeling well and asked his doctor for some pain medication. by the time the doctor brought it back to him, he had passed away peacefully. i didn't get a chance to say goodbye to him, but it helps knowing that he knew i was thinking of him in his last hours.

the funeral is on tuesday. i can barely type that without crying. the loss and pain is overwhelming and indescribable. i'll miss you daddy. tell grandma and grandpa i said hello...

366 days

the days pass before you know it. 1 year. 1 year! we had a quiet weekend in pittsburgh, which was nice in itself. just the 2 of us enjoying our time together. we had a small dinner out on saturday at red room for drinks and appetizers, and then sunday brunch at casbah. it was delicious and romantic... the outdoor seating matched with our choices reminded me of our honeymoon... fresh fruit, coffee and mimosas, it took me back in time. we did a little shopping and purchased our gifts for each other, japanese maple trees for the backyard. its a spin on the traditional "paper" gift, and one that will grow with us. (and yes, we'll be able to take them with us whenever we move.)





we had a quiet evening at home, after picking up some fresh salmon stuffed with spinach and feta at whole foods, along with some tasty mini desserts :)

it was a a very good weekend. here's to many more :)

driving miss aimee

hilton head. the ocean. piggly wiggly. humidity. whats not to love?

the week before we left for hilton head, we were undecided if we were going or not. my father had taken a "turn for the worse" so to say, and i made the drive up to erie to see him. i was pretty worried but spending time with him helped. he seemed to be doing a little better by the end of the week, so we decided to make the drive to south carolina, knowing we could always turn around and come home if needed. thankfully, he's doing well.

we left friday night and made it to beckley before turning in for the night. after a long drive on saturday, we settled into some 90 degree heat. it took a few days to be able to really "relax" and not worry about my family, but i needed to. the house we stayed at was a 2 minute walk to the beach and just beautiful: 6 bedroom/bath, gourmet kitchen with viking appliances, pool with spa...the list goes on and on. we made it down to watch a cloudy sunrise one morning and it was so humid the lens would fog constantly.

fog:


no fog:


many days were spent walking the beach and swimming in the wonderfully warm ocean, then relaxing by the pool.

beach walking:


the last night there the family went on a sunset dolphin cruise which was actually a lot of fun, and we did see quite a few dolphins. we had a nice dinner out, where i had some very delicious seafood. there was a thunderstorm on the way home and we all got soaked, but it was still a fun end to a great vacation. i'm even sporting a post-vacation tan and freckles :)

happy aimee:

work. play.

another beautiful day, another day of freelance work. i can't complain too much, it pays the bills :) i've been pretty busy the past few weeks, and its only going to pick up this week and next. i'll be taking a short break this weekend to go visit my family in erie... my dad has been sick the past week, so i'd like to visit him before we go on vacation next weekend. we'll be making the trek down to hilton head and spending the week at a beach house with ian's family. we went 2 years ago and it was a pretty nice time, with the exception of the long drives. it always seems to take longer than expected. here's a photo from our last trip... i'm hoping to see another sunrise like this :)




this past weekend we did some more work on the house. i've been cleaning / organizing and trying to find some more storage space for the items we've acquired in erie. i cleaned out our attic crawl space [which was not fun in the 90˚ weather!] and started moving boxes in there. i can't even begin to list everything else we've brought down... its overwhelming. maybe once everything is "cleaned up" i can post some finished shots of the house.

the organizing is taking *much* longer than i was planning on... i'm very behind. the house has been taken over and i really need to get it in order, hopefully before the trip.

ian worked on the bathroom again, unfortunately having to tear up the old tile floor. we had been hoping to just tile over it, but while working, ian found some water damage, so... better safe than sorry. the bathroom is now down to the floor joists and ready for a new subfloor.




tan cat hates the noise when we remodel and always finds a little hiding place...




thats it for now. time to get back to work!

and more!

so ian said my last post was a little "boring" for the non-crafties, so here's a house update. we haven't had much time to work on the remodel, but we've accomplished a little bit.

last weekend we took advantage of the blazingly hot weather and worked outside. i cut the lawn and did some landscaping while ian built a storage shed for our lawn tools. he made it look all nice and pretty and even installed a bird feeder so i can watch the birds while i work in my office. unfortunately, he got a bad case of poison ivy in the process and is just miserable. [we believe the poison ivy is coming from the neighbors yard and growing thru the fence :( ]



we've also made a little progress on the master bath. ian had to redo some plumbing and installed the new diverter for the tub and shower. he also ran some new electric work for the new light fixtures and to hook up the whirlpool tub. right now it just sits in the guestroom waiting....



along with the new sink and tile...




hmm... what else? we really need to do some cleaning/unpacking/sorting. we've brought alot of "stuff" home from erie over the past few months. random boxes of stuff that are sitting in our dining room waiting to be put away. which is going to be a BIG task. we don't have much room as it is, so we're going to do some spring cleaning and downsize a bit. get rid of all the clutter and stuff we're saving for a rainy day. craigslist is going to be very happy :)

not much else house wise. hopefully we'll have more to show in another week or 2. in the meantime, enjoy this adorable photo of tan cat, who turned 8 this month. black cat was feeling unphotogenic.

back to regularly scheduled programming

luckily this week, i have another freelance project to distract me. right now, i'm taking a little break to surf the web for inspiration [and to catch up on some blog reading.] i've been inspired by a lot of the work that i've been seeing; i really need to get my ass in gear and start "creating" again. i haven't really sewn anything since the wedding dress, so i've been going thru my fabric stash and whipping up a few pieces.

i also started knitting "tomato" a pattern by wendy bernard this week. its coming along rather quickly, and is good mindless tv knitting. i decided to replace the herringbone pattern with an argyle stripe... i think its a little more "me". i'm using lion brand cotton ease, which is surprisingly nice.








the central park hoodie has been done for months, but i couldn't decide on closures for it. i've been debating frogging the front bands and reworking them with buttonholes. fall will be here before know it, and i'll need a hoodie!

speaking of hoodies, i fell in love with this version of the l'il red riding hoodie from domiknitrix, and now i must make one. trying to find a non-wool bulky weight yarn has been tricky. i wanted something semi-affordable, and possibly machine-washable. i've been trying to steer clear of acrylics, but when i went to pick up the cotton-ease for tomato, i came across some that i decided to try out.



the green is vanna's choice [sad, i know] from lion brand. its 100% acrylic and machine washable... but acrylic. the grey is bernat's cashmere blend, [plus nylon + acrylic]. this is *really* nice for an acrylic blend yarn. i think i may go with this... i even threw it in the wash [it says its hand wash only], and it seemed to hold up, and still remained soft.

i'm a year or so behind on the bandwagon, but i think i might finally make a rusted root 3/4 length sleeve version for fall. i received my invitation for ravelry, and have been making lists and playing around on there. i'm going to need to take and upload a bunch of photos for that. maybe next week i'll get a chance to shoot all of the finished projects so it looks like i've actually accomplished something :) for those of you on ravelry, find me under motionary :)

the end of an anchor

so hand me the rocks, to help weigh me down
and tether my legs with a cord tightly bound
to the end of an anchor, thrown into the sound
and test me to see if I will rise against the worst that it can get

–––––––

last weekend my father was hospitalized when his oxygen levels went dangerously low. scary low. should i pack my bag and drive up in the middle of the night low. he pulled thru and spent a few days in the hospital recovering.

i made the drive up on thursday with the intention of helping penny clean out the rest of my parents house and visiting with my parents. things don't always go as planned tho, do they? my dad was released on wednesday, but not for long. his doctor advised him to consider transferring permanently back into the VA hospital for hospice care. for those of you, like me, who don't know what that is, try googling it. "end-of-life care". the doctor has given him 6 to 8 months to live.

we moved him into the hospice program at the VA on friday. i wasn't really prepared for it. i didn't realize it would be a hospital room... the one he'll be in until he dies. we slowly brought some of his belongings over and hung photos and made it a little more homey. then the task remained of cleaning out the apartment we had just moved them into a month ago. where is my mom living? well, 2 weeks ago, she was transferred into the dementia unit of the same nursing home since she can't live on her own. its been a very emotionally and physically draining few months.

we got alot done at the apartment, but not everything. we sold a few things, donated alot, and gave some stuff away. i took a few of my dads quilts to finish for him. we're storing a bunch of stuff at my sisters house in the meantime. other than the garbage we put out at my parents house on thursday, i never made it back. that will be saved for the next trip. i still need to grab a few things, then help clean so the house can sell. anyone need a 6 bedroom house in erie on 3 lots?

after more cleaning on sunday, we were finally able to spend some time with my mom and my dad. we took her up to visit him and i think that helped both of them. he was in good spirits so i snapped a pic of them for each of their rooms. he insisted on taking off his oxygen tube, so its the first pic in a long time without it.



we stopped in one last time with penny on sunday before making the trip back to pittsburgh. my dad asked what we were doing after he went to dinner and i told him we had to drive back. he looked a little choked up and then said "i don't know what i'd do without you guys." lets just say most of my drive home was spent wiping tears from my eyes.


i think i need to start a new knitting project this week to take my mind off things. that or hitting the gym. just.... something.