the waiting game

here i am, 5 days past my due date... just waiting. and while i'm beyond excited to meet her, we've waited this long... i can keep on waiting until she's ready :)

photo from this weekend:



i'm sure i'll get some inappropriate comments, but you know what? i don't care :) i think i look amazing. we're both glowing. all of our hard work has paid off, and i'm proud of my body and our baby.

so for now, i'm just trying to keep busy. still working. still enjoying our time together. 2 weekends ago we went to frick park to enjoy the beautiful weather and snap a few shots before sunset. here's the belly in action, 4 days before our due date:



and a family photo:



also some more freezer paper onesies + homemade boppy cover (design matching shower invitations, and room theme):





now i just need to actually work on her quilt. its hard, i've made so many quilts that i've loved, that i feel like the one for our baby has to top those, design wise. its a lot of pressure! i will probably work on that during maternity leave, when i have the time and i can actually reach the sewing machine without her in the way ;) i'm going to do a modern quilt to match the nursery fabrics, possibly with some screen printing or bird stencils (a la boppy cover). then, i might do a vintage quilt. before my dad died, he gave me all of his quilting supplies and some pre-cut fabric squares. he even gave me all the pieces + patterns from my grandmother, so by vintage, i do mean "vintage". i think it will be sweet to give my baby a quilt from her grandparents...

i think its obvious to say at this point, i'm really missing my parents. i wish they were here for this. its so unfair, and i get so emotional now that we're getting so close. i've talked to my dad at the cemetery about this, which, well, isn't quite the same. my mom doesn't know who i am, let alone that i'm pregnant. its hard to go through this life changing event without my parents, but i am so lucky to have ian. he makes dinner, rubs my back... he even gives me pedicures. he's going to be a great dad :)

5 weeks and counting

5 posts in one year... thats kinda sad. in the back of my mind i'm always saying "yea, i need to update my blog", but i hadn't realized how infrequent it had been. i can't promise anything, but we'll see if i can start to get back into the swing of things.

the most obvious event to blog about is our pregnancy. maybe thats why i've been a little hesitant. i announced the good news in may, but didn't really give the back story or follow up on anything. we'll, i'm at 34 1/2 weeks, so we have about 5 1/2 weeks til the due date. for the most part, its been a fairly easy pregnancy. much easier than actually *getting* pregnant.

here we are at 32 weeks:


we had been trying for over a year and a half when i decided to see a fertility specialist. we were officially diagnosed with "unexplained infertility" back in july 2008. that was problem X that i would occasionally refer to in blog posts. we tried 3 cycles of medicated IUIs, with no luck. we tried another IUI with injectables and that didn't work. (at this point i should point out my extreme fear of needles and blood work. i was having bloodwork every week at this point, ian was giving me shots, it was no fun at all). after serious discussion, we decided to try IVF.

the process was much harder and stressful than i thought it would be. i was working FT and going to the doctor before work to get BW + ultrasounds done every other day. ian was giving me shots every night for about 2 weeks, and the 3rd week it was 2 shots a night. i remember laying on the couch one night after the shots, and a baby lotion commercial came on. i just started sobbing and asking how much more i could take. luckily, i responded well to the drugs and developed 13 eggs that were retrieved. 8 fertilized. 3 made it to the day of transfer. 1 little girl is on her way :) based on how hard it was to get pregnant, we kept things quiet for awhile. i'm technically considered "advanced maternal age" at 36. i've been terrified that something would go wrong this whole time. so its been a little hard to blog about. we wanted this for so long, and sometimes its hard to realize that it actually is happening.

everything is going well, and i'm feeling great (except for the nasty cold that just surfaced). we had our shower last weekend and we've been putting all the wonderful gifts in their respective places. i've been washing little blankets and baby clothes. and i've been knitting like crazy. baby sweaters are fun because they knit up quickly, and you can use stash yarn :)

offset wraplan, 3 months:


black cat hoodie:


i also made some freezer paper onesies:


she's already a rockstar :)

three.

i believe the unofficial 6 month hiatus is over. i'm back. enjoying the sun, outdoors, life. all that fun stuff.

and finally... some good news!



poor sydney and tan cat are going to have to share the spotlight with a new little murphy. this little one will be 14 weeks tomorrow. after all the heartache, it truly is a wonderful change in our lives. we've been struggling to make this happen for over 2 years now, and had to rely on modern medicine. i believe my fear of needles is slowly being resolved :)

i'm beginning to believe that maybe every cloud does have a silver lining....

ohiopyling

this past month has been a busy one, and i haven't had the time to post. but, everytime i open up my homepage and see that photo of my dad from the last post... well, its just making me sad, so here goes a quick photo post of our adventures a few weeks ago.

in keeping with our "lets get out and enjoy this fall weather" we went to ohiopyle a few weekends ago. we both had been working heavily during the week, so it was really nice to get away, even if just for the day. it was a fun drive, even with the bad traffic, and the scenery was amazing. we stopped for coffee and had lunch, then made our way over to "downtown ohiopyle" to do a little hiking. we took sydney with us and she enjoyed herself too!

we crossed bridges:


we walked trails:


we hiked rocks + waterfalls:


i snuggled sydney:


and took closeups of ferns:


a good day was had by all. i doubt we'll get another nice (work-free) weekend anytime soon, so i'm happy that we had the chance for our tiny roadtrip. tomorrow we'll be doing a little road-tripping as we drive up to grove city to meet my mom, sister and nephew for lunch. i haven't seen my mom in quite a few weeks, so i appreciate that we're able to meet halfway on a busy weekend so i can spend some time with her.

tonight we're off to another halloween party, so i've got a little transformation to take care of. in the meantime, enjoy this photo of our last celebrated halloween, in 2006. (last year, well, lets just say there was no celebrating going on...)

as hard as i try, i just can't quit him. or his handlebar mustache. a girl has got to be pretty secure in her femininity to dress as a gay cowboy, but i think i rocked it. a few previous years on flickr as well :)



tonights outfit will be a little more dark. photos to follow.

we'll meet again

1 year can go by both quickly and slowly. its been that kind of year. as i've mentioned before, sometimes its the little things. while i miss my dad every day, sometimes, its one little thing that can hit you like a brick and either bring sadness or a smile. it can be the smell of concord grapes, hearing a song from his funeral on a random tv show, or something totally random that only he and i would know about.

theres this one dream that i repeatedly have had this past year, and this is the closest image i can find that matches how he appears. i'm always sitting in our old living room, in the wooden rocking chair, (maybe 2001-2002 ish) and he walks thru the front door wearing his olive green work clothes carrying a paper bag of groceries. no oxygen, no paleness, just healthy and tan. and the sun is shining.

theres not much i can say about today. just that i miss you terribly daddy.



10.10.2007

-------

We'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when,
But I know we'll meet again, some sunny day.
Keep smiling through, just like you always do,
'Til the blue skies drive the dark clouds far away.

2 years and counting

ah, so young... our first photo taken together, sometime in march 2002, during the first trip home to meet my parents.



on the morning of our wedding, ian had to pick up my dad's tux pants in monroeville and drop them off at our hotel. he also brought a dozen krispy kreme donuts (1 boston creme for me) and a hot tea from starbucks, because i had been nursing a horrible chest cold all week. its the little things. i still have that kk receipt, from 8:45am :)

happy 2 years ian :) here's to many more *clink clink*.

ETA: real anniversary photo to make up for ridiculous other photo.

a week in photos

fall is here... its my favorite time of year. i've been waiting months for it. the crispness of the air, the warming of the leaves, the smell of autumn. something you can't quite explain. a feeling that makes me want to trade in my iced tea for a warm latte in the morning, a summer beer for a glass of reisling, the tank tops for sweaters. this season has always been like the "new year" to me, when its time for a change. i'm ready for it.

we've decided to take the month of october off from any house remodeling. we basically took september off, but that doesn't count ;) we only have a few more things to finish up, so once we get back on track this winter, the house may be ready for the market in spring/early summer. we will see.

now with all this free time on our hands, we're trying to spend as much of it outside as possible, enjoying the weather and watching the leaves change. they're starting to, and just that brightens my outlook. i pretty much missed this whole season last year, so its nice to be able to enjoy it again. last weekend we went to oktoberfest at penn brewery. it was fun, but crazy crowded. ridiculously crowded. and the smell of sauerkraut everywhere. sunday morning we made croissants from trader joes, coffee, and headed out for errands and some open houses. we check out the swissvale houses for comparison (our house is looking very good compared to whats on the market), then we checked out some potential neighborhoods. we've visited forest hills, blackridge/churchill, mostly the east end/suburbs-ish areas. we'll continue to explore the areas... we've got time :)

this weekend was nice and very relaxing. i'm glad it warmed up a little bit too :) on saturday we had more errands to run, and made our way out towards monroeville. we headed a little further east, and went to schramm's farms for the start of their fall festival. we did some shopping at the market, and i was stopped in my tracks. i had walked by some concord grapes. wow... i was taken back to my parents house in erie, where we grew them in the backyard. my parents made their own grape jelly and grape juice, and the smell is so powerful. i had to buy some :) we strolled thru the pumpkin patch, picking out some winners that we'll carve later this month.





we ended the day at shady grove for some onion soup and sandwiches. i'm totally digging their website. very nice.

on sunday, ian ran our recycling over to construction junction, then we headed over to frick park with sydney for a long walk. its going to be beautiful in another week or 2, when the leaves are really changing.







after the walk, we took sydney to the self-serve dog wash in wilkinsburg. it was convenient, and timed, so we were able to wash her more quickly than in the tub at home. however, they don't say that the air-dryer is COLD. poor syd was whimpering the whole time, but we had to get her somewhat dry before getting back in the car. next time we'll bring towels and smocks. we got a little soaked.



the night was capped off, by, of course, marshmallow roasting outside. it was super chilly, but the fire was warm and the treats were tasty. and while i don't completely like this photo, i think it conveys the toasty warm feeling of the night.



in other news, tomorrow is our 2 year anniversary. damn!

its a brand new day

so i'm sure everyone has already seen this, but just wanted to share the link because its so entertaining :) NPH ... amazing singer. and the songs are catchy too.

cables and bobbles, in green

i finally have photos of a finished knit, so here goes:

Aran Crossover Top (by Mari Lynn Patrick), from vogue knitting 2005
yarn: Valley Yarns Longmeadow, roughly 6 skeins, with a few scraps left over
modifications: used smaller needles + gauge to downsize pattern to XS. knit S/M sized sleeves to account for my massive biceps. skipped the long wrap ties and used a button + snap closure instead. i love it!
details on my ravelry page








hmm... what else is going on? we've taken the past few weeks off from any house remodeling. its been a much needed breather and we don't know what to do with all our free time. last weekend we dusted off the bikes and cleaned them up and put air in the tires. we've been enjoying some s'mores times in the evenings. last night we went mini-golfing where i kicked ian's ass by 9 points. pars. strokes. whatever! but doesn't he look triumphant? unfortunately, all my winning shots were blurry. i think he did that on purpose. (and no sheila, i did not cheat.)



the funny thing is, i was totally distracted during our games. first, they were playing some really good 80s music. and second, there was a dairy queen next door and the peanut buster parfait was calling my name. it goes without saying how pissed i was to find out that it was closed by the time we made it over there. at 9:30! instead, we headed over to madmex for a mexican brownie sundae. delicious :) now i've got some thoughts on making a mexican chocolate s'more.....

this old wound

sigh. where to even begin? the good or the bad? sometimes its just too much. i've had a totally shitty year and i'm just tired of it. (and yes, i realize there are people much worse off than me, but i'm not writing to complain or get sympathy. and i also realize that only like 4.2 people read my blog and already know about all this crap, so i apologize.) i just need to vent. we don't have any demo work left to do on the house, and i don't have a punching bag (yet), so i need somewhere to left off some [vocal] steam.

my uncle died last week; my mom's brother, my only blood relative uncle. 2 months after his sister died. i guess this might be the only time i could find the positive in my mom having alzheimers. i drove back and forth to erie on thursday for the funeral. i'm so tired of them. what i'm having problems with is that i feel like i'm unable to grieve for the person who has just died because the funerals just bring back reminders of my dad, and the wound is open again. at my uncles funeral, the pastor who did my dads spoke a few words. my dad and uncle used to volunteer together for quite a few years, working at a food bank, building for them, etc. the pastor mentioned my dad, which i thought was very nice, until he brought up the point that he would volunteer, with his oxygen tank, until "his illness got the best of him" and how we had "just buried him a year ago". it was unexpected and difficult to hear.

the drive home sucked, as they usually do. not only was i tired and sad, with a crappily made starbucks drink, i couldn't get my mind and the memories to stop. i repeat, this year has totally sucked. in the past year, we've had to clean out and sell my childhood home that my dad and his dad built. i lost my dad. we moved my mom into a dementia unit nursing home. i lost my aunt. i lost my uncle. i lost my cat. i'm dealing with problem X that i'm not quite ready to blog about. i've technically "lost" my mom. i had a stupid heavy landscaping beam fall on my foot. can i please get a break god?? i know that all of this had made me realize that i'm stronger than i thought, but... i'm good. really. any more and i just might break.

(end of venting. blogging continues.)

this past weekend, i learned how to drive/steer/pilot(?) a pontoon boat. hows that for good news? i keep saying boat pilot, which just makes me giggle. the in-laws bought a lake house in ohio this summer and we finally managed a free weekend to make the 1.5 hr trek out there. it was chilly, and i wish i had brought a sweater. or worn long pants. and not tried out the icky starbucks oatmeal that morning. but it really was a relaxing and a nice break. its a cute little house at the end of wooded drive (several other house are there, but theirs is at the end, next to a hiking/wooded area), and right on the lake. after a little tour, we walked down to the lake and fired up the pontoon boat. since it was overcast and chilly, there weren't alot of people out, other than a few fishing boats. it was peaceful, secluded and very beautiful. lots of blue herons out in the marshes. we're definitely going back in a few weeks once the leaves start to change.

maybe some knitting photos in the next post. i finished my sweater and need to get some shots of it modeled, but hopefully i will be in a better mood for that tomorrow.

-----

well i've been bleeding well from this old wound.
cleaning it with salt, so it will still feel new.

breakdowns

last weekend we managed to get a lot done on the house. and i realized that there is something i hate more than skip troweling... sanding! it was my job to sand + repaint the stairwell banister. it had close to 3 layers of paint (badly done) with drips and globs everywhere. had to sand all that off. my hand was cramped so badly, i had to take a few days off knitting :( then painting it was horrible, trying to reach between all the spindles. had it not been painted originally, i would have loved to have stained it, but it wasn't possible. i have one coat done, one to go. its a little dreary out today, so i can't see well enough to do the 2nd coat.

ian worked on sanding the stairs and painting those. we've used extra laminate to replace the risers and it looks great! we have another coat or 2 of poly to put on the stairs; thats always interesting with a curious cat and dog in the house. baby gate time for a few hours.

here are some before + after pics of the stairs:







we also finished up the spare room and hallway/landing/trimming. we still have to move the furniture around before taking some "after" shots. debating on picking up a sleeper sofa/futon/something for any guests that may visit. or as a super-sized cat bed.

we also did some outdoor work until the lawnmower broke. sigh. we've been so busy, we haven't had a chance to get it out to sears this week, but the yard is badly in need of a mowing. [is that even grammatically correct??] its still under warranty, so hopefully we can get that fixed, pronto!

then, lets see... the tivo breaks. (also still under warranty, thank you). we turn it on and the screen says something crazy like "serious problems found. will take 3 hours to self-repair. blah blah blah". it keeps rebooting itself or freezing, so we'll need to take that in too.

and then, of course, my new-ish sewing machine breaks. wtf! this is somewhat still under warranty. its an electronic one and the lcd screen turned dark. so i have no idea what stitches/settings im using. i have to pay to send it to the manufacturer, and let them fix it for 4-6 weeks. so aggravating.

but, i did manage to make a quilt with it on the fritz. i pieced together the top and bottom before the "break". i came up with a random squares design. i was gifting it to the walters, for their baby girl, due in october. they were doing a gender-neutral colored nursery, with butter yellow and espresso colors. i wanted to make something hip and modern, and i hope that i did! i quilted and did the binding after the machine breakdown, so the binding is a little uneven. sorry! i really need to practice on that. here's some pics:







ian managed to get the rainbarrel hooked up, just in time for all this rainy weather. need to switch the hoses around and see how much water we'll be able to use. and yea, we also have a compost barrel :) we'll see how well that works out. (on a side note, our garbage amount has gone down considerably since using that this year, in addition to recycling everything we can. our goal is 1 bag of garbage a week, with the exception of any building materials that can't be reused.)

on that note, i guess i should go paint something. or not sew something. ooh, or make lunch.

wally world

this past weekend, ian and i went up to erie. after visiting my mom when we got in saturday morning, we had a day to ourselves, which is a rarity. so on a sunny summer saturday in erie, what else is there to do but go to waldameer and eat funnel cakes? it was a crazy busy day there, but it was entertaining. we rode a handful of rides, and didn't mind the wait. it was fun to just relax and enjoy ourselves for once. we *did* eat a delicious funnel cake, but limited it to that after a few spinny rides.

spider futab:


i hate this ride with a passion. the last time i rode i thought i was going to fall out and it wouldn't stop spinning. i didn't learn my lesson!

whee!





later in the day we took a leisurely drive around presque isle. it was really relaxing and beautiful. we met penny and cj and walked on the beach and watched the beginning of the sunset. (we were starving by that point and had to leave. man can not live on funnel cakes alone. i wish.)



my rockstar husband basking in the glow of the sunset:



i also manga'd us last week. does it look like us?



now that we're back in town, we need to get back to work on the house. we've got a list of things to finish up in the next few weeks. i've also managed to do some more knitting on that little cabled cardigan; the body is done, and i'm on to the sleeves. maybe photos in the next post.

ok, thats it for now. time for real work :(

ketchup vandalism

not much to update on, but i figured my last post wasn't much of a "post" was it? last weekend we took saturday off. we've been dealing with some personal stuff and needed a day off to just relax and enjoy ourselves. we had a lazy morning then headed out to robinson to do some shopping. we don't make it out there very often, but wanted to see what new stuff was at ikea and do a little shopping.

ikea has been reorganized, and i didn't like it. maybe because of the thousands of people there who were "back to school" shopping, but i found it irritating, and not enjoyable like i had hoped. so we worked our way over to the mall, and decided to relax in the sun at houlihans. not my favorite place, but their outdoor dining was pretty empty around 3, so we grabbed an appetizer and a drink and started to relax. after that, we mosied thru the mall feeling old. on a whim, i thought i would check out aeropostale. yes, i'm 35 and about 20 years too old to be shopping there. i already know that. surprisingly, the jeans were very well fitting and i found this adorable sweater vest. seriously, how cute is this?!



now i'm actually looking forward to the weather getting cooler so i can wear it :) after that it was uneventful window shopping. we headed over to bahama breeze for dinner and sat outside on their patio. a relaxing way to start the evening with a slight reminder of our honeymoon. and a strong reminder of our need for a vacation. we really need to get away, but it's not practical at the moment. i know vacations aren't supposed to be "practical", however..... we'll start planning to plan one soon. we've been debating going back to montreal (it would be my 4th/ian's 2nd trip there) and it is beautiful in the fall/winter. a lazy tropical beach vacation would be nice, but those do get boring after awhile. we've still got awhile to figure something out.

we did a lot of work on sunday. we painted the doors, installed the hardware and trimmed out the room/hallway. we finished installing the flooring in the hallway. ian installed the 2nd window in the spare room. we did a little more landscaping and picked up 2 barrels to convert into rainbarrels. hopefully we'll get to that in the next few days. we've been doing a little work in the evenings and hope to get the spare room finished soon. pictures will come after that. then... its on to the stairwell...

sigh. today started off badly. ian was up early so he offered to move my car around back to the parking pad before street cleaning. he came back in to tell me that our cars had been vandalized. i guess thats the right word. someone had squirted ketchup on his truck and something liquid-y had been thrown all over the drivers side of my car. looked to be something like milk/milkshake-y. who carries around a bottle of ketchup??? and then whats even more ridiculous... who on earth would waste a perfectly good milkshake?!? crazy kids.

s'mores

the past week has been a busy one, and i just haven't felt like writing.

we did some landscaping.

before:


after:


we installed a continuous new floor in the upstairs/hallway/spare room:


i knit:


we roasted marshmallows and made smores:


thats it for now :)

that'll do pig, that'll do

where to begin... hmm... last weekend we made some progress on the interior of the house. ian finished skip-troweling + painting the main level + top level staircase, along with the main floor landing. he has to cut in the paint sometime this week, but that won't take long. i primed a tiny crawl-space storage area we have. its an interesting feature of the house... on the top floor, there is a pull down "drawbridge" type ladder that accesses a storage space. we don't use our tiny attic, so this is very handy. i need to finish painting it sometime this week as well. we're going to be installing a cedar ceiling in there too. once all of that is finished, i need to move all of my crap back into that space so we can install the flooring in the hallway/spareroom. no photos yet... painted walls aren't very exciting :) i'll wait until the floor is down and the new doors are in.

on saturday we visited a few nurseries to plan the landscaping of the back yard. looking out on the deck, we have a chain link fence to the right that offers no privacy, so we need to figure out a solution for that. we've got a few ideas, and will make a trip back out there [possibly tomorrow night?] to load up the truck with some new plants/trees/shrubs. i love working in the yard, so i'm looking forward to that on saturday.

black cat got another steroid shot last week... thursday i think. she was doing well... but still not eating alot. she had 2 seizures a few days before getting the shot. the vet thinks the cancer had spread and that she had a tumor in her brain, which was causing neurological problems. he kept stressing that she wasn't in pain, but the steroid shot would help. which it did, for a little while. on monday she was up and about... she made her way down the stairs to find me in my office and curled up on my lap for a bit. she went over to sniff sydney while she was sleeping which was really cute. she slept most of the day.



that evening after dinner, i came downstairs to find her sitting on a rug next to the washing machine. something seemed "off"... and i realize she didn't have the energy to make it upstairs. i brought her upstairs and tried to get her to eat... and thats when we knew. it wasn't going to be much longer. i won't go into details, but it was a sad thing to watch her getting weaker. the other odd thing was tan cat's reaction. they get along wonderfully, but he started coming over to hiss at black cat. and tan cat is not a hisser. i guess that was another sign. we kept black cat on the couch with us for a few hours to watch over her. then, we brought her upstairs and made a little blanket bed for her on the floor. she made a few little meows thru the night, but around 3:30 woke us up, and we were there to take care of her. it was horribly sad and heartbreaking. i don't know what was worse... being there watching our cat die, or burying her in the yard the next day. i am just so tired of death and losing people (things/animals/whatever) close to me.

i've thrown myself into another knitting project to occupy my mind. i'm sure going to the gym would be more productive, but one step at a time. i've started on a cropped cabled wrap sweater... i can't find any photos of it online, since the pattern is from vogue knitting 2005, but its so cute. here's the ravelry link. its a great pattern thats keeping my interest, and its coming along so quickly. i'm using valley yarn's longmeadow yarn which is perfect for cabling work. its so squishy :)



its an easy cable pattern to memorize, which makes it great tv knitting. last night we threw in a movie instead. i haven't seen babe in years, and i forgot how much i loved that movie. its so sweet, and a little sad, but it was a good movie to watch after losing black cat. everyone should go and rent it this weekend. it can do wonders.